John Smith's

‘Bl**dy dry cleaners.’ said my annoyed wife.

‘What’s the matter dear? Did they ruin your dress?’

‘No, they ruined your new M&S cream sweater.’

‘What, how? I didn’t realise that it needed cleaning.’

‘That’s because you were so embarrassingly drunk at the party, you didn’t notice spilling red wine over it.’

‘You know what? The other day I was walking back from buying a parking ticket, having only just parked, when I noticed this bl**dy little ‘Hitler’ sticking a parking ticket on my screen.’

‘What did you do?’

‘I was just about to give him a what for, when I realised it was ‘ole Harry playing a prank on me.’

‘Nah, he’s a right joker.’

‘Yeah, he thought it was funny until he noticed a real warden putting a ticket on his car.’

A moments panic took hold of me. I’d turned up for this job interview half an hour late, and it was a job I so wanted. How can I explain this? I’m never late. Well, that’s not entirely true. I was late a while back, when I had arranged a date with a businesswoman. I remember running along to the restaurant, trying to think up an appropriate excuse, only to find she turned up later than me! So I’m sitting here waiting to be called in to this interview, my mind racing through a host of excuses, none of which seemed feasible, when I was called in. I’ll just have to be honest. The door opened and to my surprise there sat the businesswoman from our date.