John Smith's

‘Bloody dry cleaners.’

‘What’s the matter dear? Did they ruin your dress?’

‘No, they ruined your new M&S cream sweater.’

‘What, how? I didn’t realise that it needed cleaning.’

‘That’s because you were so embarrassingly drunk at the party you didn’t notice spilling red wine over it.’

‘You know what? The other day I was walking back from buying a parking ticket, having only just parked, when I noticed this bloody little Hitler sticking a parking ticket on my screen.’

‘What did you do?’

‘I was just about to give him a what for, when I realised it was ‘ole Harry playing a prank on me.’

‘Nah, he’s a right joker.’

‘Yeah, he thought it was funny until he noticed a real warden putting a ticket on his car.’

A moments panic took hold of me. I’d turned up for this job interview half an hour late, and it was a job I so wanted. How can I explain this? I’m never late. Well, that’s not entirely true. I was late a while back when I had a date with a businesswoman. I remember running along to the restaurant trying to think up an appropriate excuse only to find she turned up later than me. Now I’m sitting here, my mind racing through a host of excuses, none of which seemed feasible, when I was called in. I’ll just have to be honest. The door opened and to my surprise there sat the businesswoman from my date.